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H's gratitude list for 2009

before the year ends... I take this time to unravel the things that has happened to me on the year that was 2009.

as i take the moment to unpack the year that was, i find these precious souvenirs:
1. Things i tasted, looked at, smelled, heard and touched:

  • Manang Felilia's sopas, pansit, instant pansit canton, home made burgers and sandwiches.
  • Mikey's Delicatessen October feast platter... nakaka high blood
  • Sala Bistro's YUMMY puddings, fudge brownies, and wallnut pudding
  • People's Place ... THAI food!!!
  • ROYCE kurumaru milk chocolate, banana nama chocolate block, and milk chocolate chips
  • Cyma ... rocca salata just rocked my 'effing existence! OPA!
  • Smelled game davidoff for men *my gift for BB's birthday
  • smelled, and felt the leather of a Louis Vuitton bag... :))
  • songs: party in the USA, bad romance, crawl, lady gaga's songs

2. Experiences that strengthened me:
  • Fights with B...AGAIN... over and over nmn... haha :)
  • government biddings!... PAGASA bidding... and ALL government project biddings.. hinding HINDI ko ito makakalimutan...
  • fighting temptations...
  • having to work for 3 full months on weekdays and weekends! haha.. time management! *apir*

3. Life lessons that I've learned:

  • being a follower is not bad...
  • being a leader will take time... and once you're on top... learn to put your foot in the shoes of those who will be under your lead :)
  • choose who your REAL friends are... wag yung kaibigan because kainuman... tried and tested na hanggang kasiyahan lang sila.
  • pwedeng maging plastik... sa mga taong hindi mo maiiwasang plastikin... but as much as possible, NOT all the time. haha
  • kissing ass will get you somewhere... at least once you're down the long line UP... :) - mo twister philosophy. (haha)
  • FAMILY love... FAMILY time IS very important.

4. life Lessons that i need to learn:

  • STILL... patience!
  • STILL...trust
  • learn to say NO! :) and say YES to opportunities!

5. This belief i outgrew:

  • like what i typed earlier... i thought i'm the type of person na open book... na hindi kayang mgaging plastic... well... now... dahil sa "sales" there's what i call... being plastic to have pakikisama, and avoid disputes... as long as it is for the betterment of a relationship. kung ayaw mag patalo ng kausap mo... di let it go... save your self from the stress... :))

6. This conviction I lived by:

  • WORK HARD... REST HARDer... health is super your way to wealth.... so everyone SHOULD stay healthy! *like last year* super HEALTH IS wealth!

7. These risk I took:

  • well basically this year was risk free... so there were no major risks i took. :)

8. Unforgettable experiences

  • ABS-CBN hang out...
  • Sagip kapamilya Ondoy victims at Bulacan.
  • riding on the back of a 4x4 F150... NLEX...San Beda Mountaineering boys... NLEX police escort *mga kalokohan namin ni cervantes*
  • staying at a company as long as 1 year and 1 month... till now... love my SUN Microsystems Philippines family!... *soon to be Oracle*
  • lunch outs haha :))
  • isa sa mga pambato ng SSD sa mga games and kalokohan *kumapal na ang mukha ko* lol
  • badminton with the pre sales group! then eat galore after! haha bali wala ang exercise!
  • met and took a picture with my fave top fashion designer in the Philippines... Mr. Rajo Laurel! *woot woot*
  • me and bb's kawaii photo op at time zone. *kunwari ayaw pa ni bb... pose nmn ng pose* lol
  • Working at sun micro... great people!!!
  • having Anchor Nutrition Clinic every Saturday and Sunday
  • spending time with my families... :)
  • ella's trip to pinas after 5 years
  • My Irene Mae's week long visit back to pinas
  • having POMPOM

9. Who influenced me most:

  • my DADE... ofcourse!
  • my boss Ms. Sheryl
  • my office mates mi i, lodz, ainz, caryl, and ate jing

10. what i regret:

  • hindi ng ipon.... *ulit... may pag babago ba? gaaaaaah!

11. The persons/living thing who meant so much to me:

  • my family... dade, and mama's side
  • bb and his family
  • pompom

12. Napatunayan ko na....

  • tamang mag tira ng pagmamahal sa sarili... wag lagi 100% na love para sa iba...
  • na ang trabaho... dapat minamahal...

13. My unfulfilled desires:

  • still go to places.... travel...shop travel shop... *hindi na ito nabago 2 years ago na ito ah* haha
  • specific target goal for 2009:
  • watch RENT musical with vonney on feb :)
  • go to camsur... anniversary gift on feb 14 (goodluck)
  • to dos: i've opened an account... make sure hindi na ako mag wwithdraw... DEPOSIT lang dapat ang gagawin ko!... then hindi na talaga ako tatamadin mag text kasi calling made my bill summit to its highest cost ever! 4K
  • save at least 2k per cut off... => sana matupad na ito!

2 more days to NEW year LET's DO IT PEOPLE! let's do... let's make do... let's live to the fullest ... and let's and let's!

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A 70-year old 'lolo' from the province was accompanied by a grandson to the US Embassy in Manila for his VISA interview. The lolo spoke not a word of English so the grandson translated for him. The Consul told the youngman to ask his grandfather why he wanted to go to the States.

"Bakit daw ho ninyo gustong pumunta sa Amerika?" The grandson translated.

"Sabihin mo gusto kong makita yung mga anak ko doon.."

"He said he wants to see his children there."

Fair enough, that's what the lolo's application indicated.

The Consul had another question. "Ask him why does he have to

go there?

Why can't his children just come and visit him here?"

The grandson translated this in Tagalog.

Lolo replied: "Sabihin mo kasi dito pinanganak yung mga anak ko. Nakita na nila ang Pilipinas. Gusto ko namang makita ang Amerika bago ako mamatay."

(Translation: "Tell him, my children were born here. They've seen the Philippines already. I just want to see America before I die.")

The HEARTLESS Consul was unimpressed as he declared, devoid of any emotion, that he was rejecting the visa application "because the applicant
was unable to speak any word of English."

"Reject daw yung visa ninyo kasi hindi daw kayo marunong mag-Ingles."

The lolo was equally unimpressed. "Sabihin mo ito sa kanya at huwag na huwag mong papalitan ang sasabihin ko: "Putang ina niya, bakit siya nandidito eh hindi naman siya marunong mag Tagalog! ?"

Translated, "He said: You son of a bitch, how come you are here... you do not know how to speak Tagalog!?"

Taken aback, sense of humor still intact, the consul relented and approved lolo's visa application in pronto.

Go LoLo...Mabuhay ang Pinoy!!!

(Taken from The Philippine Star (newspaper), written by Boo


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- not a joke.

This is a pretty neat idea. I never thought of it before.

Put your car keys beside your bed at night.

Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents, your Dr's office, the check-out girl at the market, everyone you run across. Put your car keys beside your bed at night.

If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car.. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies. This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won't stick around. After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there. This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.

P.S. I am posting this because I think it is fantastic. Would also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can't reach a phone. My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn't hear him.. He can activate the car alarm and then she'll know there's a problem.

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14 days Fitnesse challenge

Kick–start your way to a healthier lifestyle!

Independent research shows that that those who eat whole grains tend to weigh less than those who
don’t and are less likely to gain weight over time.
This meal plan is designed to maximize the benefits of NESTLÉ FITNESSE whole grain cereal on your figure. For best results replace breakfast and one main meal for 14 days with a cereal such as NESTLÉ FITNESSE. Eat plenty of fruits and vegetable and low-fat carbohydrate-rich foods, and remember to exercise.

Sample Meal Plan:


30g bowl of NESTLÉ
FITNESSE with 125ml
skimmed milk, 1 fruit, 1
tea or coffee


30g bowl of NESTLÉ
FITNESSE with 125ml
skimmed milk, vegetables
or low fat soup, low fat


Balanced meal with
vegetables, meat or fish or
eggs, bread, dairy

In between meals:
• a serving of any fresh fruit and vegetables.


• Lunch and dinner meal options are interchangeable. Aside from breakfast, ONE main
meal has to be replaced with NESTLÉ FITNESSE.

Note: this is only recommended if you’re over 18 with a BMI of more than 25. And remember, if you’re taking medication or want to lose more than 20% of your starting weight, *do talk to your doctor before beginning our program.

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I could just D.I.E. smilin' ツ

wanna see me like i'll never ever smile again?... I could jus... on Twitpic

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Spirit of Bayanihan and alot more

Goal: To participate in relief operations for Sagip Kapamily in Meikawayan Bulacan for typhoon Ondoy Victims

Date: Sept. 29, Tuesday.

Meeting place: Mo. Ignasia Gate... ABS-CBN Studio Tour Office

Time: 7:30 pm
ETD: 10:30 pm
ETA in Meikawayan, Bulacan: 11:30 pm - 12:00 mid night

TL: Cherry and Avel

Gov. Mendoza provided the 10 wheeler truck.

Had the privileged to serve and take part in one of MANY sagip kapamilya relief operations. I was suppose to start last September 28, Monday... but due to crappy communication lines... was not able to join the first batch.

Got to Mo Ignacia gate around 7:30 ish... got inside the loop and prepared for this important night. Tied up my hair in ballet buns... and secures my bangs with a black headband... for less worries and hassle free movements while giving out the relief goods to the victim of typhoon Ondoy.

8:00 pm Met up with Ethyl, my friend way back in college... from our thesis making in Baguio, PMA.

8:00 pm to 9:30 pm hanged out inside the studio tour office... YES... HANGED OUT! unfortunately, our friends from ABS told us that the relief volunteers were restricted due to some concerns regarding security of their artists and security of the volunteers themselves... and not only that, since we will be the one's who will distribute the goods to the relief center in Bulacan, it is much better to save some energy.

10:00 pm... assembly of volunteers behind the mother Ignacia gate., but inside ABS-CBN...
This is one of th highlights that I truly liked about the Sagip Kapamilya... we created a human chain... carried what goods to be carried over till the 10 wheeler truck got full...

Ready Packages in sacks to be stacked up to the 10 wheeler truck bound to Bulacan.

Goods to be packed... this is the area where the celebrities do their repacking. YES... for their safety and whatever...

all the bread pan that we girls carried to the 10 wheeler truck...

10:30 pm... left Mo. Ignaia Compound and went to the volunteer center behind I have 2 eggs restaurant... again... created a human chain to carry over cartons to give people in evacuation centers as their mat for sleeping I had so much fun loading goodies and other materials inside the truck that I didn't even realize these would make me end up sore all over the next day...

11:30 pm... waiting... waiting... and waiting for go signal...

12:00 midnight we left quezon Ave...in convoy, Riding at the back of an F150 pick up... *YES AT THE BACK! among the 10 San beda mountaineering Org guys and a girl* (of course this is my friend, Ethyl) ... with a 10 wheeler truck, an elf with guys from other mountaineering clubs.

THIS IS THE PART THAT I also enjoyed too much! FIRST time to ride, travel out of town, and volunteer for Sagip Kapamilya in an open 4X4... WHOOHOO!!!

some bumps here and there, like of course THE obvious... NO back riders in an open elf and Pick up is allowed in North Express Way... *toinks* so we had to wait for about 30 mins or so for our Skyway Patrol escort...

1:15 am... FINALLY reached our destination... but to our dismay... the barangay Captain did not personally welcome us, the kagawad who were suppose to wait for us did not notice our arrival. *oh well... who wouldn't notice a TEN WHEELER TRUCK that has Bulacans Governor's face all over... right?* the reason behind it was, they were drinking right in front of their municipal.

1:30 am... the guys unloaded the relief goods inside the 10 wheeler truck because the truck can't actually fit inside the streets going to their barangay hall... and upon knowing that our TL agreed that the barangay will be the one to distribute the relief goods the following day. WTF! I personally wanted to make sure that the relief goods would wind up in the houses or the people who needed them most... that's plainly one of the reasons why I volunteered to give my time and body for human labor, so I could some what make sure this happens... BUT what can we do?.. the Barangay captain ordered the Kagawads to tell us that we should not wake the neighborhood anymore... because it's already late and that, they were tired... ok ok... the Captain had a point... BUT... for me... it's not a good enough reason.

2:oo am we have reached their barangay hall... and the place where there was flood up to chest high BEFORE... when we got there, it barely reached my knees... and i'm only 4'11''....
(ok... ng evaporate na or na wala na yung tubig baha when we got there)... but even so... we should have prioritized those areas who are in GREATER need of help...

stupid me... forgot to bring slippers... or boots or what have you... i stepped on an open man hole... good thing I was holding on to something... or else... bye bye honey.

the helpful guys from San Beda Mountaineering Club

Stacking up the barangay hall

seeing this... I personally got disappointed, and felt that I wasted my time... If i wanted to help out... I should have just gone around UST campus where there was actual flood... *I kept quiet* and kept these nagging thoughts to myself... I thought I was the only one who was feeling this way... my friend Ethyl questioned the kagawads... but to our dismay... they said they were just following orders. together with the rep. from abs, we took a look of the barangay hall... gawd! asenso! may aircon! haha.... *just really really hope this will be reported back to persons concerned*

ANYWAY... beiang with people who almost have the same goal as mine (btw that's helping out Typhoon Ondoy victims)... I felt good... at least good enough in spite what had happened...

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Melissa Roxas
June 24, 2009
By Jean Teodoro

A person can expose their true self
by showing what they do when facing death
you showed us who you were
when you prepared for your end

But what you didn’t prepare for was to let go
you didn’t let go of your integrity and self-determination
not even when fifteen minions dragged you from your will
with your hands on cuffs
and their hands on your neck

You ceaselessly yelled your name
holding on to the only thing they could not take away
your soul, your spirit

No punch, no gun, no word, no force
could keep you from yourself
not even in nakedness inside an evil dark cell of a women’s barrack
not even in the black heart of the empire you were confined in

Because inside, you discovered that you carry a light
a light that remembers infants with hands the size of a thumbnail
a light that knows their conditions are deeper
than typhoid fever, cholera or malaria
it’s being born into poverty and oppression

A light that understands the need for a powerful hand
one that will usher this light and share it to the people
so that the children of our future will bear hands stronger than ours

You refused to betray this light and you brought it to us
while this empire has spent billions and billions to turn you off
to keep most people from knowing or even caring
and keeping many to cower, hide and fall behind

This light would be the force that pushes this movement
for genuine freedom, just peace and true democracy

You won an incredible battle to bring it here
even with the cost of your life
but winning the war needs everyone to carry this light as you did

Beautiful sister, how do you keep glowing?
when you were drugged to your slumber
to wake up blindfolded in absolute darkness
with no sense of time or place
as sentient eyes dwell in the night, watching you
how did you sense hope?
and continue to draw strength from it?

I wonder if I can carry this light like you
would I have done the same if I was taken into oblivion?
would the rest of us have?
will the rest of us do what it takes,
even if it means being where you went?
even worse, involving the people we love?

How much do we truly value freedom peace and democracy
over our individual selves?
how strong can we remain when we’re brought down
to levels we’ve never imagined?
how long can we keep ourselves from madness and corruption?

I wouldn’t know, not even about myself
I want to tell you I will fight like you
but who else is best to tell but my actions?

Your story will carry this struggle
It deserves countless poems and words
it deserves to ring in everyone’s thoughts
to empower those who believe
and to haunt those who want you dead

I will not make a promise
promises are more room for lies
but I will let you know, as I’ve shown before
that I haven’t dodged this struggle

And that I’m willing to be tested
so that one day I may know if I can fight like you

Because your story is nothing but a story
unless we keep it in our hearts
behind every action.



Melissa Roxas is a Filipina-American human rights activist who is a college graduate from the University of California, San Diego. She was on an exposure trip to the Philippines, providing medical aid to local children in need in Tarlac, Luzon. On May 19 2009, she was kidnapped, tortured and interrogated by the Philippine military. She refused to give any further information about herself except for her name. After five days, she was released by the Philippine military as they discovered that she is a US citizen. The Philippine military knew that there would be a huge outrage if she was killed, as different family members and organizations were searching for Melissa's whereabouts and refused to be subtle about it.

Melissa is currently recovering from the incident. She is being supported by many community members and human rights organizations as she pushes to spread the word about political killings and disappearances in the Philippines.

It is no secret that the Philippine government has been eliminating all threats to their operations to control the wealth of the country; even people who are simply serving the citizens with health care and resources because this exposes the government. They have been executing human rights activists, writers, community and religious leaders who choose to raise awareness about them. It gets deeper. The US government is a huge sponsor of the Philippine government. It's not hard to see that the US government is funding the Philippine government because they want to continue their occupation in the Philippines.

The question to ask every reader is, "how much does this reality matter to you?" Should one care, even if this situation does not directly affect him or her? As a US citizen, does it matter much to you if your government taxes are funding another government that is ordered to kill? Should one believe in global reciprocity and our responsibility to each other as humans? Or is this too much for us, as we are needed to stay busy fending for ourselves? Is being informed enough? Are we informed enough? What can a person do? Can our actions really make a difference? Is Melissa just another name whose truth is for us to accept as simply a part of a design? Or is she finally a wake up call for us to realize, "hey, this shit is fucked up!"

For more info, check out this video.

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Reasons Why I think I was raised well enough by my dade:

Dad taught me how to shoot. From Air Gun, to a riffle, and pistol. It was in the family to be passionate about guns... (=

Dad taught me nasty stuffs that ladies like me have, or could not imagine doing. Like:

a. kill a bird and or rats by shooing it.

b. strangling mouses on the sticky mouse trap

Dad taught me the basics when inside the bathroom

a. clean behind the ears

b. scrub the body with towel

c. use bath comb when shampooing and rinsing hair

d. recycle bath water to use for flushing

e. wash undies after taking a bath

f. how to propertly wash hands. The o.r. Doctor way

g. to ALWAYS squeeze the toothpaste tube by the rear end.

h. ALWAYS think of the next person who'll use the bathroom... replace water in the timba or drum.

Dad taught me the importance of having good and complete set of teeth. (At my dad's age of 62, he still have comple set of teeth.)

Dad taught me that no matter how computerize or hi – tech the world can get... reading the book IS still the best way to go.

Dad taught me that effective communication thru proper questioning and note taking, while on email,personal or thru telephone call, is still the best. SMS are just there to complement communication not to REPLACE it. Having and sending SMS is not a reaon to slack off on communication.

Dad taught me to know my limit, accept my limitations and take measured steps at all times. (tho I often times forget this)

Dad taught me that Jesus Christ is my savior.

Dad taught me to present my self well, at all times.

Dad taught me that being BLIND or having disabilities CAN BE an advantage. (my dad is blind, but it never became an issue to him or anyone who knew him)

Dad taught me to overcome fear... tho I haven't overcome the fear of sleeping without any lights on. This is ONLY in my room in our old house. HAHA

Dad taught me to learn how to bend like the bamboos when the wind calls for it.

Dad taught me to persevere and excel in the things that I get my self into.

Dad taught me to continue to strive for the very best in everything.

Dad taught me to not want things that aren't within our means. Dad taught me to live frugally.

Dad taught me to be trust worthy.

Dad taught me to value and always have palabra de honor

Dad taught me to be analytical... tho at times I often find myself to be a katipunera... Sugod ng sugod.

Dad taught me not to be a burden to any body else. Learn to pick your own self, learn to help others pick themselves.

Dad taught me important legal actions like:

a. Never speak unless your lawyer is with you

b. venta con facto

c. pre-nuptial agreement

d. Never sign anything that concerns with the Pulis, Army, Work, or anything. This leads to;

e. When in doubt ALWAYS consult a lawyer

Dad taught me to pick my fights. And Dad taught me to start a fire when you have a VALID reason

Dad taught me to understand and adapt to whatever situation that I am in.

and the most important thing that Dad taught me... was Dad taught me to be myself. Being a bastard does not define who you are or who you'll be.

There are sooo many things that taught me... it's just sad that I forget the wisdom dad has shared with me sometimes, but

I love my dad. I am lucky to be his daughter.

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I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spiritalive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

To all my friends... I WISH YOU ENOUGH...and please TAKE TIME TO LIVE.....

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United Filipinos

August 1, 2009 - Former President Corazon C. Aquino lost her battle to cancer of the colon @ 76
August 1, 2009 - 10 hours @ Taguig for Family Viewing
August 1-2, 2009 - Former PCCA's body in La Salle GreenHills for public viewing
August 3, 2009 - Motorcade from Greenhills to Manila Cathedral...

As we were waiting for the Former PCCA's motorcade at the 32nd floor of Philam Life Tower, people gathered along Makati Ave. and around Paseo De Roxas where Ninoy Aquino's Statue was... there were yellow confetti's, and in the background, songs of makabayan theme were played.

People were patiently waiting and eager to see the Former PCCA, MOTHER OF PHILIPPINE DEMOCRACY, an exceptional example of Women Empowerment, a mother, a fighter and a FILIPINO woman.

yellow ribbon hanging from tower 1 Philippine Stock Exchange
they also showered yellow confetti's making if look and feel like the First Edza Revolution

a view from the 32nd floor of Philam Life Tower.
This is what you call... "Di mahulugang karayom"
because of the many Filipinos gathered to give their respects to the Former PCCA
2 shuttles followed the vehicle where the remains of the Former President.
Believed to carry the Cojuanco and Aquino clan.
Followed by 4 to 5 Victory Liner Bus, believe to carry those from Tarlac.

The vehicle that was carrying the casket of Former PCCA was adorened with Yellow Flowers...
Stargazer specifically...

You can feel the warm reception... and you can feel the respect and love of the Filipino people for the former president. Even the weather cooperated, and it was not that sunny nor it did not rain. The weather was perfect for the celebration of Former PCCA's life and death.

It was something worth celebrating for... even if it was the death of the "Inang Bayan" people remembered what it was like during the First Edza Revolution, and with that, Filipino's were left with HOPE that there will be a better tomorrow...

I an very glad to have been part of such event...

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Getting my life back pound per pound at a time...

I know it's such a bore to read about the life and love life of a person. But I wanted to share some things. Some things that might help people. Please be patient, I am really not a good writer, I usually miss spell words and my grammar might get off track from time to time, but just bare with me... you'll get something out of this... may it be negative... or positive. I do hope it's the positivity of this writing that you would remember, despite the negativity of it. (huh?) just read on...

I use to think that I had it all going... I came from a middle class family who has given not just what I needed but also what I have selfishly asked for. But don't get me wrong, tho, I got every little thing I have whined about, I never was a brat. The reason I got what I wanted, was because I had Aunties and Uncles who treated me like their little princess. But my dad, being an upright man that he is, he was the one who balanced and corrected my attitude. To the point of acting differently when I am with my dad and with my Aunties and Uncles.

I had the nothing but the best clothes, toys, hobbies like target shooting and hunting, trips, summer classes, ballet school and performances at PICC and the Meralco Theater, education and whatever things that a little girl ever dreamed of. At least that's what I thought, and at least I thought these things would help me to become a better person.

When I was in college, I met a boy, that forever changed who I am, who I thought I was, and one of the reason why I am who I am today. I have met alot of diffrent guys, dated some, and loathed some. But this particular boy was diffrent from all he guys that I have met. I did not know whether to loath him or like him. At first I loathed him so much that I didn't want anything that has to do with him... But in the end I lost and he has won my heart.

We started as friends. We confided to each other. We have shared our happiness, and dramas in life. He was the first guy who connected with my weirdness, and defied me with the ideals that I have learned in life. He spoke to me like he trusted me with his life, and I also begun to trust him with my life. With this, without knowing, I had developed a stronger feeling towards him. I hesitantly told my self that I was falling for this guy.

Now I know that. YES it is true, like what Paolo Chelo wrote,only LOVE can change a person.

I have given my all,and defied my dad and family, who has always been nothing but good to me. Argued with friends who felt and knew that I was getting into deep shit. But what I did, I let my self fell so hard, that now, as I am typing this and crying at the same time, I wish I could have just listened to all of them. YES... you can say I am regretting it all. But there are things in life that you should not...

I have lost everything... even my weight. From 95 lbs, over 2 years, my weight went down to 86 lbs. I looked like a sick old maid. I have forgotten to take good care of myself... at one point, I looked like an old maid... because I have given him everything... and left nothing for my self... Yes, I am correlating my weight loss to my love life and life experiences. (=

what I am trying to say is... when you love... there will be tendencies that you'll forget everything and everyone.. you feel like everyone disappears and only the 2 of you remain... this is not bad at all... BUT always try to remember tho how much cliche it is... to save a little love for your self... because you'll never know what will happen... people change... whether you like it or not... but what is important, is that you know who you truly are with or without the person you love.

so here's now what i will do... i'll bring back my weight like before... like I'll bring back the old honey... I will take care of my self... the way I take care of my BB... I will continue to be happy... with or with out my BB... Anyway, Happiness can only be found in one's self... NOT in money, beauty, and other people...

Getting my weight back to 95

July 30, 2009 actual weight: 42 kilos 92 lbs.

Height: 4' 11"

Ideal Weight for Height: 44.88 kilos / 45 kg - 98.73 ibs / 99 lbs

Ideal Weight Range for Height: 89 lbs - 109 lbs

Target Weight: 95 lbs

Weight to gain: 3 lbs

so let's see... how i will gain this 3 lbs...

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“She thought suddenly that she was wrong about his lack of emotion: the hidden undertone of his manner was enjoyment.
She realized that she had always felt a sense of light-hearted relaxation in his presence and known that he shared it.
He was the only man she knew to whom she could speak without strain or effort. This, she thought, was a mind she respected an adversary worth matching.
Yet there had always been an odd sense of distance between them, the sense of a closed door; there was in impersonal quality in his manner, something within him that could not be reached.” - Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

would you love the one person you loathe?
or would you loathe the one person you love?

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Spirit of the Stairway

I have yet again experienced that "spirit of the Stairway" french phrase... In French: esprit d’Escalier...you know the thing that happens to you when ...that moment when you find the answer but it’s too late. This happened to me over the weekend. and one of the reasons why I so freaking got angry!

So you’re at a party and someone insults you. You have to say something. So, under pressure, with everybody watching, you say something lame. But the moment you leave the party…As you start down the stairway, then - magic. You come up with the perfect thing you should’ve said. The perfect crippling put down. That’s the Spirit of the Stairway. The trouble is, even the French don’t have a phrase for the stupid things you actually do say under pressure. Those stupid, desperate things you actually think or do.”

It's like i always mentally pass out when i get into a fight. i can't find the right words to express how i truly feel... i just blurt out whatever stupid thing that crossed my freaking brain... it's like i always get into fights, but i never learned how to win it...

seriously, it is becoming stupidly boring to always get into fights with the wrong subject, wrong place and time, and always loose it. i wanna learn how to fight ice with ice, fire with fire... not the other way around.

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Don't be a Hero, Hero's DIE...

i have heard this phrase from my boss during Sun-Phil's team building. To be honest, it was the first time I have heard of it. (= that is why it has struck me so immensely.

in his speech he reiterated to us that, in the challenges that life brings you, you won't be able to win them all... you just have to accept the fact that, as humans you have limitations... BUT you always have your forte in some things... take note of SOME... NOT all things (=

may it be work... love, or life in general... we have our limitations, so always remember, DON'T BE A HERO...

Well, This pertains to why I got so angry and hated so much over the weekend... I DID everything in my power to help out... BUT my efforts were just unappreciated. Thanks to B... but now all is well... I hope so...

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blast from the past! i ♥ this!!!! ☺ ☻ ♥ ♦ ♣ ♠ ü

wheeeeeeeeee! got my blog back! (= i was talking about in on twitter yesterday... more of wishing... then fast forward now... i saw my old blog!... will be soon be updating here! it's still a mess right now but it's a good start! (= gotta go!

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