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Getting my life back pound per pound at a time...

I know it's such a bore to read about the life and love life of a person. But I wanted to share some things. Some things that might help people. Please be patient, I am really not a good writer, I usually miss spell words and my grammar might get off track from time to time, but just bare with me... you'll get something out of this... may it be negative... or positive. I do hope it's the positivity of this writing that you would remember, despite the negativity of it. (huh?) just read on...

I use to think that I had it all going... I came from a middle class family who has given not just what I needed but also what I have selfishly asked for. But don't get me wrong, tho, I got every little thing I have whined about, I never was a brat. The reason I got what I wanted, was because I had Aunties and Uncles who treated me like their little princess. But my dad, being an upright man that he is, he was the one who balanced and corrected my attitude. To the point of acting differently when I am with my dad and with my Aunties and Uncles.

I had the nothing but the best clothes, toys, hobbies like target shooting and hunting, trips, summer classes, ballet school and performances at PICC and the Meralco Theater, education and whatever things that a little girl ever dreamed of. At least that's what I thought, and at least I thought these things would help me to become a better person.

When I was in college, I met a boy, that forever changed who I am, who I thought I was, and one of the reason why I am who I am today. I have met alot of diffrent guys, dated some, and loathed some. But this particular boy was diffrent from all he guys that I have met. I did not know whether to loath him or like him. At first I loathed him so much that I didn't want anything that has to do with him... But in the end I lost and he has won my heart.

We started as friends. We confided to each other. We have shared our happiness, and dramas in life. He was the first guy who connected with my weirdness, and defied me with the ideals that I have learned in life. He spoke to me like he trusted me with his life, and I also begun to trust him with my life. With this, without knowing, I had developed a stronger feeling towards him. I hesitantly told my self that I was falling for this guy.


Now I know that. YES it is true, like what Paolo Chelo wrote,only LOVE can change a person.

I have given my all,and defied my dad and family, who has always been nothing but good to me. Argued with friends who felt and knew that I was getting into deep shit. But what I did, I let my self fell so hard, that now, as I am typing this and crying at the same time, I wish I could have just listened to all of them. YES... you can say I am regretting it all. But there are things in life that you should not...

I have lost everything... even my weight. From 95 lbs, over 2 years, my weight went down to 86 lbs. I looked like a sick old maid. I have forgotten to take good care of myself... at one point, I looked like an old maid... because I have given him everything... and left nothing for my self... Yes, I am correlating my weight loss to my love life and life experiences. (=

what I am trying to say is... when you love... there will be tendencies that you'll forget everything and everyone.. you feel like everyone disappears and only the 2 of you remain... this is not bad at all... BUT always try to remember tho how much cliche it is... to save a little love for your self... because you'll never know what will happen... people change... whether you like it or not... but what is important, is that you know who you truly are with or without the person you love.

so here's now what i will do... i'll bring back my weight like before... like I'll bring back the old honey... I will take care of my self... the way I take care of my BB... I will continue to be happy... with or with out my BB... Anyway, Happiness can only be found in one's self... NOT in money, beauty, and other people...

Getting my weight back to 95

July 30, 2009 actual weight: 42 kilos 92 lbs.

Height: 4' 11"

Ideal Weight for Height: 44.88 kilos / 45 kg - 98.73 ibs / 99 lbs

Ideal Weight Range for Height: 89 lbs - 109 lbs

Target Weight: 95 lbs

Weight to gain: 3 lbs

so let's see... how i will gain this 3 lbs...

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To LOVE or to LOATHE


“She thought suddenly that she was wrong about his lack of emotion: the hidden undertone of his manner was enjoyment.
She realized that she had always felt a sense of light-hearted relaxation in his presence and known that he shared it.
He was the only man she knew to whom she could speak without strain or effort. This, she thought, was a mind she respected an adversary worth matching.
Yet there had always been an odd sense of distance between them, the sense of a closed door; there was in impersonal quality in his manner, something within him that could not be reached.” - Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

would you love the one person you loathe?
or would you loathe the one person you love?

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Spirit of the Stairway

I have yet again experienced that "spirit of the Stairway" french phrase... In French: esprit d’Escalier...you know the thing that happens to you when ...that moment when you find the answer but it’s too late. This happened to me over the weekend. and one of the reasons why I so freaking got angry!

So you’re at a party and someone insults you. You have to say something. So, under pressure, with everybody watching, you say something lame. But the moment you leave the party…As you start down the stairway, then - magic. You come up with the perfect thing you should’ve said. The perfect crippling put down. That’s the Spirit of the Stairway. The trouble is, even the French don’t have a phrase for the stupid things you actually do say under pressure. Those stupid, desperate things you actually think or do.”

It's like i always mentally pass out when i get into a fight. i can't find the right words to express how i truly feel... i just blurt out whatever stupid thing that crossed my freaking brain... it's like i always get into fights, but i never learned how to win it...

seriously, it is becoming stupidly boring to always get into fights with the wrong subject, wrong place and time, and always loose it. i wanna learn how to fight ice with ice, fire with fire... not the other way around.

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Don't be a Hero, Hero's DIE...

i have heard this phrase from my boss during Sun-Phil's team building. To be honest, it was the first time I have heard of it. (= that is why it has struck me so immensely.

in his speech he reiterated to us that, in the challenges that life brings you, you won't be able to win them all... you just have to accept the fact that, as humans you have limitations... BUT you always have your forte in some things... take note of SOME... NOT all things (=

may it be work... love, or life in general... we have our limitations, so always remember, DON'T BE A HERO...

Well, This pertains to why I got so angry and hated so much over the weekend... I DID everything in my power to help out... BUT my efforts were just unappreciated. Thanks to B... but now all is well... I hope so...

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blast from the past! i ♥ this!!!! ☺ ☻ ♥ ♦ ♣ ♠ ü

wheeeeeeeeee! got my blog back! (= i was talking about in on twitter yesterday... more of wishing... then fast forward now... i saw my old blog!... will be soon be updating here! it's still a mess right now but it's a good start! (= gotta go!

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